What Did I Do?
At home I sit, all
alone
A deathly silence,
I’m on my own.
I’m going away, and
I won’t return.
I have it here with
me, my weapon of choice,
I’ve finished my
letter to say what I’ve done.
I’m leaving it
here, for my family to find,
Once I have gone,
but no one will care.
So now I take up my
gun,
And hold it firmly
in my hand.
“Is there anything
left,
Something I don’t
know,
What can make me
stop now,
Make me stay here
with my life?”
Reflecting is done,
now I’m going away,
I’ve decided that
now, so I hold up my gun.
I put it up to my
head, slowly I count,
One, two, and then,
three.
Next thing that I
see is my mom coming in,
She sees me, my
body, lying on my bed.
My note, just for
her, she takes, now she’s read,
That I felt
unloved, pushed away, out of place,
But what’s that I
see? Tears from her eyes running down her dear face.
I walk over to her
to try to make her feel glad,
But I can’t even
touch her, and she can’t see that I’m right there,
I’m right there, in
front of her face,
I shout to her,
call her, but then she just leaves,
I am so confused,
why didn’t she see?
That I was right
there all of the time.
The next couple of
days were all just a blur,
People coming and
going, and all of them sad.
Then they took me
away, put me into a box,
People come and
they look down at me and they cry.
I try to get
through to them, talk to them, something!
But none of it
works, I just can’t be heard.
And then the last
day, I finally see,
I am dead, they are
all crying for me.
I look into the
box, and I see me lying there,
I really am dead, I
have ended my life.
So I leave that
room ready to go, but wait, there’s another,
I walk inside,
people filling the hall,
And there’s my
family up-front, all crying, they’re so sad,
And Mother at the
stand, tears streaming down her poor face,
Telling of all the
things we’ve done, wow, it wasn’t a waste!
My life, that I
thought was just full of hate,
It’s so full of
love, what have I done?
And then someone
comes up to me and he say’s
“Come with me now
son, it is time that we go”
“No, send me back,
it just can’t end this way,
I have so much to
do, in my life, send me back!”
But in a calming,
and loving, and in the wisest of ways,
He say’s “It’s time
to come home, you’re here, you can not go back,
You chose to do this;
you’ve chosen to end,
Your dear, precious
life, and cause so much pain,
Now we must go,
you’re time here is done, my dear, dear boy.”
So I left with him,
but bade my Mother good bye,
Then I turned
around, I broke down and cried.
What have I done, I
really was loved,
I just have caused
pain, for the ones that I love.
I watch them all
grow, and move on in their life,
I could be with
them now, so I ask myself why?
Did you feel so
damn hated, your only choice was a gun?
You didn’t think
these things through,
Cause out there
today, somebody loves you!
Michael Bresnahan
Wakefield, NH